John 21:15-19

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’ He said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my lambs.’ A second time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ He said to him, ‘Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Tend my sheep.’ He said to him the third time, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ And he said to him, ‘Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed my sheep. Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.’ (He said this to indicate the kind of death by which he would glorify God.) After this he said to him, ‘Follow me.’

Peter was in pain, though you might not have noticed it by his appearance. He was functional, even able to go back to work. But the pain of denying Jesus was dominating him and darkening everything in his life. Peter had betrayed the most life-giving relationship he’d ever had.

While it was true that Jesus had conquered death and appeared to Peter and the others, Peter still felt that deep pain in the gut that comes when you’re haunted by the great wrong you’ve done to someone you love. So there he was, going through the motions at work. Throw out the net, pull it in. Throw it out, pull it in. All night and not a single fish. 

Franciscan friar and inspirational speaker Richard Rohr once wrote, “If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” Peter’s pain needed transforming, or it would pollute his life and the lives of those around him. 

So Jesus appeared to Peter and asked him this question three times.

‘Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?’

Each time Jesus asked, it cut a little deeper. Was Jesus rubbing salt in the wound? Of course not. He was cleaning it out. A young woman in a church I once served lost her leg in a car wreck. The doctors were able to reattach it, but she faced a long road to recovery. After three months, when the time came to leave the hospital, she asked if I wanted to see her leg. I didn’t really care to, but it seemed important to her. I was stunned to see that even after three months and multiple surgeries, the wound was still deep and exposed. Sensing my alarm, she reassured me, “They tell me that a wound this deep needs to heal from the inside out.”

Over the years, I’ve found that to be true with our emotional and spiritual wounds as well. God goes to heart of our deepest wounds and heals us from the inside out. If we don’t let God into our brokenness, it will harbor infection and never quite heal.

Each of Jesus’ questions cut deeper into Peter until the wound was completely exposed and Jesus’ love could heal it. Rather than continuing to transmit his pain, Peter allowed it to be transformed. So may it be with you in the places of your woundedness and pain.

Questions for Reflection:

Jesus once said that the truth sets you free. Can you describe a place in your life where this has been true? Do you have a place in your life where a wound has lingered for a very long time and needs to be exposed and healed?

Prayer:

Lord God, you know how hard it is for me to face the truth about myself. I am an expert at manipulating the facts to put myself in the best possible light. Forgive me, Lord, when I exchange the truth for a lie. Help me to love you enough to have my pain transformed and not transmitted. Amen.

Context:

John 21:1-19

After these things Jesus showed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias; and he showed himself in this way. Gathered there together were Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples. Simon Peter said to them, "I am going fishing." They said to him, "We will go with you." They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Just after daybreak, Jesus stood on the beach; but the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, "Children, you have no fish, have you?" They answered him, "No." He said to them, "Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, only about a hundred yards off.  When they had gone ashore, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish on it, and bread. Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish that you have just caught." So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred fifty-three of them; and though there were so many, the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." Now none of the disciples dared to ask him, "Who are you?" because they knew it was the Lord. Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time that Jesus appeared to the disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my lambs." A second time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Tend my sheep." He said to him the third time, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" And he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep. Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go." (He said this to indicate the kind of death by which he would glorify God.) After this he said to him, "Follow me."