So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

A few weeks ago, I turned 50. As I was approaching 50, I began thinking a lot about all that has happened since I arrived at an American boarding school as a scared fifteen-year-old from Iran. What would I tell that scared and lonely fifteen year-old version of me? How would I encourage her based on what I know now?

I came up with a long list. But the biggest lesson I would share is this: Don’t be afraid. Trust God. The pain you will experience in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead will shape you into a stronger woman. Lean into it and trust God.

My parents weren’t given visas to stay in the U.S. and so after dropping off my brothers and me at the boarding school they had to leave. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. For months after my parents left I cried myself to sleep. I was afraid. But God was faithful. He sent me an empathetic dorm mom who helped me each and every day.

Two months after my arrival at that boarding school, U.S. hostages were taken in Tehran. It wasn’t a good time to be an Iranian in this country. I was afraid. But God was faithful. He protected my brothers and me, here in the U.S., and our family in Iran.

When I graduated from high school at sixteen I was afraid. But God was faithful. He found a way for me to go to college and a family to live with.

I went to college and finished my first degree by eighteen. I had no more money to continue. I was afraid. But God was faithful and provided me a job. He brought a young man in my life and that man and I are still married. Praise God; he was faithful.

We moved many times; lost two babies; experienced near financial ruin; lost loved ones to disease, accidents, and old age; and experienced personal health scares. We were afraid. But God provided. He healed. He was faithful.

What would I tell the fifteen-year-old version of me? I would tell her, no matter what the future holds, trust God. Fear is an emotion. Faith is a conviction; a conviction in who God is. Look at his track record. Trust God. He will do what he says he is going to do.

Now that I am 50, the future is just as uncertain as it was, all those years ago, when my parents dropped me off at that boarding school. It is likely we will continue to experience pain, loss, disease, and who knows what else. The 50 year-old me is scared.

But there is another voice that tells me, “Don’t be afraid. Trust God.”

I’d like to trust that the voice is the Holy Spirit, standing in the future with the older version of me.

QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER REFLECTION: What would you tell your younger self? What part of that message could you apply to your future self?

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, I am in love with you in ways words alone can’t capture. You knew full well what would happen to me, long before I arrived in this country. I love that you know me best and love me most. Help me to trust you for the hours, days, weeks, months, or years that I have remaining on this earth. And help me to feel you close by leaning into you—always. Amen.